Last year’s Spartacus: Blood and Sand won fans over with gladiator action, softcore pornography, laughable dialogue (“By Jupiter’s cock!”) and heaping portions of blood…and sand. There was also a fair share of plot twists and backstabbing, but the instant the pace got bogged down by boring things like talking, a blood drenched throat cutting or two hot slave chicks making out would always be there to pull us back in. It was the TV miniseries equivalent of scarfing down a greasy Mickey D’s quarter-pounder: it was messy, loaded with cheese and you felt guilty with every bite—but you just couldn’t help yourself.
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| Spartacus probably won't even appear in this prequel focusing on the rise of gladiator owner Batiatus...and his wife Lucretia. Does the carpet match the drapes you ask? Tune in to find out! |
Amidst this orgy of violence and sex was our hero Spartacus. By refusing a very powerful and very douchey military commander’s orders to save his hometown instead, Spartacus was torn from the love of his life and thrown in the coliseum to die a very gruesome and very public death. In classic hero fashion, Spartacus survived his own execution and won the bloodthirsty hearts of the crowd. Seeing the talent in this fresh hunk of man meat, the greedy gladiator owner Batiatus (John Hannah) took Spartacus in to train to become a champion of the ring, promising him that if he fought well his woman would be returned. But Batiatus, realizing that Spartacus would no longer fight with the same vigor knowing his beloved was safe and sound, decided to whack her instead. Bad move. The season ended with Batiatus face down in a pool of his own blood, Spartacus poised to lead the historical gladiator revolt.
Rather than move on with what last season set up, this year’s Spartacus: Gods of the Arena is a prequel focusing on the rise of Batiatus—but things really haven’t changed all that much. Batiatus is still pretty successful: he’s got his wealth, his gladiators, his ludus (a gladiator training academy), hell, he’s even got his gorgeous wife Lucretia (Lucy Lawless). What more could a guy want? –power. Batiatus has his eye on the top spot as the most powerful ludus owner in Rome. Lucky for Batiatus, he’s got the best gladiator in town, a loose cannon named Gannicus (Dustin Clare). Unlucky for Batiatus, the reigning head honcho also knows how good Gannicus is—and has the power to get what he wants.
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| Spartacus was SO 2010...Gannicus is all the rage right now |
With the spotlight taken off of Spartacus and honed in on Batiatus and his selfish quest for dominance, we’re left with no one to root for. I’m all for watching a villain’s origin story, but even comic books know that a good villain has character development. I want to see what made Batiatus the ruthless, conniving gladiator tycoon he is, not what made him slightly richer and more powerful than he was.
Fans of the series need not fret, however. There’s still plenty of gory ultraviolence and nudity to warm our perverted little hearts. Within the short hour I saw multiple decapitations, opium-induced girl on girl action, and enough stylized 300-esque blood to fill the Mediterranean.
If you’re really interested in the other characters’ lives in the time leading up to Blood and Sand, than the several subplots in the works should also provide incentive to tune in weekly. Oenomaus (Peter Mensah), the whip-cracking trainer who went by Doctore from the first season, and Ashur (Nick taraby), the crippled bookie from the first season, are still gladiators vying to become champions. Solonius (Craig Walsh Wrightson) and Batiatus, who later become great nemeses in the arena, are still good friends and business partners. It will be intriguing to see what causes these characters to change so drastically in the coming weeks.
Oh, and Crixus (Manu Bennett), the prized fighter from Blood and Sand, is merely a lowly slave that Batiatus purchased because he “saw something in his eyes.” I’ll have extra cheese on my quarter-pounder, thank you.
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| Spartacus: Gods of the Arena airs Tuesday nights on the Disney Channel, right after Sonny With a Chance |
With a full season to go and a full roster of charcters, it would be a sin to give Gods of the Arena a thumbs down so early. There have already been hints at juicier plotlines that may be on the horizon—who is Batiatus’ father people have been talking about? With or without a strong story, as long as these characters (as static and archetypal as they may be), keep humping and killing each other, Spartacus: Gods of the Arena will keep us coming back to indulge in our guilty pleasures.
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Bottom Line:
3/5 Severed Heads
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