Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Unveiled

It’s been almost five years now since I spent hundreds of hours playing the last Elder Scrolls game, so you can imagine the intense nerdgasm I experienced when I saw the cover of the latest GameInformer announcing the next entry in the series, The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim. Their post-apocalyptic Fallout dish was a tasty distraction, but I can’t wait for Bethesda Softworks to serve me up some more of that wholesome, Middle-Earthy goodness. If you feel the way I do, then grab a fistful of tissues, lock your bedroom door, and pour over these dirty deets on the game your loins have been yearning for.
 
-Dragons! Instead of tracking down Oblivion Gates in need of closing, as the last remaining “Dragonborn”, you’re tasked with tracking down dragons in need of slaying.

-Attention to Detail: With the insane new graphics engine, every object casts a shadow, every tree branch sways independently, and every snowflake and raindrop falls on an object according to its size and shape. Giggity.

-Unforgiving Terrain: Skyrim is a diverse, harsh and rugged environment. Think less Renaissance Fair, more Conan the Barbarian.

-New Combat System: Now you can dual wield weapons and gut fools with brutal finishing moves. You can also assign spells to both hands simultaneously and combine their effects for a unique attack. With 85 different spells available, the possibilities make me giddy.

Yeti didn't react well when Todd suggested he try a little "Manscaping".

-Bring on the Freaks: Now your body, as well as your face, will be totally customizable. Unless Bethesda puts limits in place, I know I'll be completing the game as a morbidly obese midget.

-Smarter Trolls: Enemies have more combat prowess and require players to look for breaks in their defense to strike. Mindlessly hacking away with your sword and shooting fireballs while back-pedaling (my strategy for most games) won’t cut it anymore.

-Level Better: No more classes, meaning no more restricting your play style by locking in on Mage or Warrior. If you use a certain skill a while, than your level for that skill increases and more options for that skill open up.

-Perky: When you level up, you can choose from a list of special power-ups offering things like the ability to carve through enemy armor with your mace. While that’s not the most creative perk, I’m sure the brilliant minds of Bethesda will come up with some cool ones for the final product.

-The Art of Conversation: Now when you talk to NPCs, they’ll show more expression and continue whatever they were doing while they talk. It looks infinitely better than the awkward (and often times creepy) conversations of Oblivion and Fallout, where NPCs stand straight up and talk as the camera zooms in on their fish-like faces. Oh, and they hired way more than 5 voice actors this time.

-A Living, (Fire)Breathing World: Using advanced AI technology, every NPC follows a unique daily schedule. Watch a dragon wreak havoc on a village, then come back a day later and find the villagers rebuilding.

Every piece of geography visible in Skyrim can be walked on, even the top of that mountain.

-Personalized Experience: The “Radiant Story” adapts to how you play the game. Become a skilled magic user, for example, and a wizard might approach you on the road for a duel. Skyrim also tracks every damsel you save and every peasant you slaughter, your actions determining the way people treat you and the quests that become available. The game will even generate sidequests sending you to places it knows you haven’t explored yet with foes tailored to your strengths and weaknesses-- hopefully this won’t make things too easy.

-Simplified Menus: Bethesda promises their new interface, inspired by Itunes, will keep you in the action longer. New features include the ability to tag weapons and spells as favorites for easy access.

-Speak Up: As a Dragonborn, you can absorb various Dragon Shouts through the souls of the dragons you slay. When spoken-- er, shouted-- these Dragon Shouts give players the power to do things like freeze time momentarily or summon a dragon for assistance in combat. Bethesda even created a 30 character alphabet the shouts are formed from. No word yet on how these magical words are recited, but imagine if they made it voice compatible using the Kinect—your parents will call in an exorcist when they hear you screaming “FUS-ROH-DAH!” at the TV.

A new reign of terror threatens the existence of the world as you know it: dragons...and mexican children.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim should be flying onto shelves 11/11/11, but with a game this massive, a delay wouldn’t be too surprising. In the meantime, wipe that drool off your keyboard ya sicko…and change your pants.